Mental Health.

[jansman]

Thankfully,mental health has become less of a taboo subject.The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are helping there.In particular,the mental health of men had to be discussed,as they tend to bottle it up.

About half a year ago I took on a(very) well- paying job in my own field.After 3 months my boss,an angry,aggressive bloke,who is mad as a box of frogs,asked me to take on the role of manager.I did,on the proviso,that it was on a three month trial...

Today ,I walked into yet another sh£t storm,and the boss blamed me,( ain't been there for two days!) That was it. I am never off the phone,my sleep is poor,and I suffer from poor appetite: food and sex! Neither have ever been a problem. Let's be frank, I am stressed! I told him to stick it where the sun don't shine!

I must say that I was astounded at his reaction.It seems that my predecessor had the same issue.He bottled it up and had a breakdown.I realised early on that my mental health was on the line,but thought I could handle it.I can't. The boss told me,nay,pleaded with me not to leave,as he needs a bloke with my experience.Fine.And I stay on the same money! He has a member of staff in mind to take the role on,( the one I thought of too),and that person is itching to do the job.

I walked in this evening with a smile.My wife noticed my change of mood.There is a lot of talk in the prepping world about positive mental attitude,and the ' Will To Live' etc.It is a valid point.PLEASE,if you have worries,anxiety etc. that you know are affecting your mental and physical health,then please,please talk.Your mental health is so important.

[Medusa]

I am glad that you recognised the fact that the job was affecting your mental health, it appears to be becoming more and more of an issue these days. I have been in my current role for 10 years and in fact 10 years ago this was my dream job, Sadly due to funding cuts and new Legislation it is becoming more of a nightmare than a dream. Very recently hubby told me that I have become a very different person over the last few years because of work and neither of us like this. I too sleep badly, am constantly stressed and anxious about work. Yesterday we had a long discussion and have decided over the next couple of years to up sticks, move somewhere rural with a bit of land and be as self-sufficient as possible. He is a trades person and can turn his hand to pretty much anything and prior to this managed a farm. I do not have a trade, but have skills which could be put to use and quite happy to do less skilled work too. We do have an option if we find the right property to have a way of bringing in a small income. We are under no illusions that this will be easy, however getting out of the rat race and being happier is all we want right now. If your mental health is suffering and you can make lifestyle changes to improve this do it, if this is not an option, please, please ask for help and people will listen.

[Yorkshire Andy]

Talk or blow your top jansman?

I often find the latter most "releasing"


My dad had walked out of his last job 4 times... Boss always begged him to go back nice as pie for a week or so then it started again ... In the end it flared up again called my dad all the names under the sun till he errr floored him ( ex forces family with 2 brothers) not bad for at 64 year old and he took "early retirement" the job center put him on constructive dismissal when he put his diary on the desk

[Arzosah]

Talk or blow your top jansman?

I often find the latter most "releasing"

Andy, the only trouble with that is that people usually blow their top *at* someone, like jansman's boss was blowing his top at him. Taking responsibility for your own mental health is really crucial, otherwise you're just shifting the problem onto someone else. Not saying you're doing that, I don't know, and you probably mean something else entirely. Telling someone you want to vent and then doing it, for instance, is different from blowing your top *at* them.

[Arzosah]

People have different coping abilities for mental stress too: if a current situation echoes an earlier stress, or an earlier stress has been extreme - thinking of William and Harry losing their mother at the ages of 15 and 12, and then walking all that way behind the coffin - if they're not helped with it, or if they don't seek help themselves later on, it can be a lifelong debility

Personally, I've learned to speak up, but my family culture has been to never speak of anything. To protect myself from that, I'd isolate myself physically (also called, going to my room ) and the two types of coping mechanism interact really, really badly

[jansman]

Thanks for the positive reactions. One thing I don’t do these days is to ‘ blow my top’. Ten years ago I would have. I have learnt to be calm, as my moods and temper could have cost me a very valuable asset; my family.

Today, my boss has tip- toed around me! A real sea- change. His wife( business partner) collared me and asked me quietly if I am “ok”? I impressed upon her that I am not on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I am just not up to dealing with unnecessary crap.

Medusa, I understand your situation totally, Arzosah, you get it! And Andy, I get what your dad went through.

Folks diet, jog, and go to the gym. What is rarely considered is the effect of mind over body. When I was 28,I was suffering from work related stress. My doctor, an old Indian chap, recommended yoga. Down the years, I have practiced yoga, and always remembered his words. “ rule your mind, or it will rule you!” My wife and me have signed up to a local yoga class, as it will help us both mentally and physically. Nice , steady exercise.

[Yorkshire Andy]

Talk or blow your top jansman?

I often find the latter most "releasing"

Andy, the only trouble with that is that people usually blow their top *at* someone, like jansman's boss was blowing his top at him. Taking responsibility for your own mental health is really crucial, otherwise you're just shifting the problem onto someone else. Not saying you're doing that, I don't know, and you probably mean something else entirely. Telling someone you want to vent and then doing it, for instance, is different from blowing your top *at* them.

Probably worded badly but in the past I've been meek and mild and my dad's been the same ..

In day to day life be it in the community or at work people see you as weak rather than passive or as someone to be walked over .. they push and push / extract the urine over your willingness / ability to let things slide till at one point you've taken too much / had a bad day.

And you display the same kind of attitude or " out of character" behaviour that they really are not used to seeing or you stop been a asset to them and it scares them. I've had people take the pee out of my better nature many times and in the end they've removed themselves from my "friends list" as I have told them exactly what they are and in telling them I've reduced both men and women to tears no violence involved just direct and to the point .. not exactly proud of it but tell you one thing I've felt a million times better since.

My friends circle is now very small had one chap who decided not to be my mate any more suddenly try to be all pally pally again turns out a friend of a friend told him I had got a new mig welder and guess what his car had just failed it's MOT on corrosion needing welding work. .... "Oh it's not my welder I borrowed it from work to do Mrs Andy car." .. guess what he's not been in touch since

[BlinkingCory]

Mental health is everything.
We now live in Goa.
We awake, eat when we want. Do what we want. Whenever we want.
Instead of going to the pub for a few, I now fish or swim.
The missus no longer teaches 15 year old pregnant kids
We've never been happier, because we only deal with ourselves.
the rat race and its mentality can kiss my bum lol

[Arzosah]

I kind of get it, Andy, I do. But you know what, its okay to stand up for yourself, your stuff, and your needs, well before the time that people get used to you being "meek and mild". It's never perfect, we've all got so much "lets be nice" or "stiff upper lip" to get through.

And as well as standing up for yourself (good boundaries: Robert Frost said it first "good fences make good neighbours") there's self care: yoga, as jansman says; for me personally, it's walking, it mostly needs to be exercise. All that adrenalin flooding your system from anger or the feeling of being under attack, it needs something to do, and using it to power your muscles in a workout or a walk is really positive.

As the whole preventive care part of the NHS dies, without ever having matured into a major part of the service, doing our own preventive care becomes more and more important.

[jansman]

Andy is right about calmness being interpreted as weakness. My colleagues have commented that I don’t get in a flap, and one of my team mistook me as a soft touch. She is a lazy ,backsliding ,skiver. When I had to warn her that her job was on the line- firmly- the news went round the place like wildfire! That has been the only time in half a year that I have had to ‘ big it up’, as you might say.

OTOH, the boss is ranting, raving and yawping all day long. He is ripe for a coronary. What Arzosah says about all that adrenaline is right. A person cannot live in permanent ‘Fight or Flight’ mode, because the body or mind WILL break.

I am still acting as manager until my replacement is found, or a new colleague collaboration- type system is developed. It’s likely the latter, and I will assist the new person. Yesterday was an extremely busy day, and we exceeded targets.We ran out of certain products which will not be restocked until lunchtime Monday. The boss had a bit of chelp about it, but I told him it is beyond my control; and it was because of his insistence upon severe stock control ( cost cutting) that we ran out!

A week ago I would have stressed all day today, even though I am not at work. Right now as I type this, we are lying in bed in the Summerhouse with the doors open, drinking tea and wrestling for space with a dog and two cats!

Stress exists, but when it is constant, there’s no doubt it is a killer. I am so glad I recognised the fact. Anyone reading this who can relate to it, all I can say is do something about it, before it consumes you.